When Prayer Is Bad - Part I

I was taught that prayer is always good, that we are to always pray and that our prayers are powerful. And while all of this is true, I’ve recently started to see how prayer can be bad. Let me explain.

During prayer one evening in December of 2013, God showed me that my prayers were all wrong. For several months I had been asking God questions about my love life: was He sending me someone whom I could love and start a family with or was He leading me on a life-long adventure that would involve just the two of us? Although I could see myself enjoying either scenario, recognizing the joys and challenges each presented, I really wanted to know, and I knew God could tell me, just like He told me that I would work in entertainment six years before I went on my first audition.

Now while it’s ironic that God showed me that my prayers were wrong while I was praying, it’s also noteworthy that I wasn’t even praying about my love life in that specific moment. I was actually praying about the disappointment I felt over the postponement of a film I was set to “star” in. (For those of you unfamiliar with how the movie business, “postponement” in Hollywood can mean many things. It can mean just what it suggests—that the project will take place at a later date, either months or years later—or it can mean what it often means, which is that there is some hiccup (usually financial) and that it will never happen but the producers are either too hopeful to realize it or too proud to admit it.)

Well after I found out heard the film had been “postponed,” the weight of the disappointment hung over me. Only six days away from walking onto set, I was mentally and emotionally prepared to take on my character. I had cleared my schedule, learned my lines, developed my character, rehearsed with the other actors, hired a coach, done the table read, and worked with the make-up artist to figure out how to age me for the role. I was ready. And then I learned that I didn’t need to be. Well…not yet … or… maybe never? I didn’t know how to handle the news. I knew that projects could disappear suddenly and had experienced them falling through before, but this was my first lead role in a film, and I had spent months preparing. I deflated and then I cried. I quickly told myself to just assume that the film was dead; it was easier to deal emotionally if I assumed that it was over rather than continuing to hope only to be disappointed again down the road.

But as I told myself that it was over, I realized what I was doing: I was trying to protect myself. And in that moment I realized that I had to make a choice: either I could tell myself that the film was dead so that I could protect myself, or I could maintain hope that it would still happen and trust that God would take care of my emotions, even if the project fell through.

I decided to trust God. So during that prayer time, as I was asking God to help me deal with the disappointment—both real and potential—I asked Him to show me ways that I was trying to protect myself in other areas of my life.

THAT’S when He brought up my romantic life. He began to show me that my prayers during the last several months had been wrong. I had been asking Him to speak to me about my love life because I wanted His words, (whether a “yes” or a “no”), to protect me from the potential disappointment the future held. If He said “yes, I have someone for you,” then I could continue to hope. If the answer was “no,” then I would know to grieve now and move on, preparing myself for a life of singleness.

I was looking to his “prophetic words” to instantaneously calm the part of me that feared experiencing tremendous disappointment, instead of trusting in the essence of who God is, which is goodness.

Today, I no longer pray for God to reveal the future to me, (although I’m open to it). Instead, I ask Him to help me experience this Psalm daily “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…” –Psalm 23:6

A True Facebook Friend

Technology has changed more than how we communicate with each other; It has changed the composition of our relationships. Facebook has caused me to really think about what makes someone a friend, and what characteristics friend display--in cyberspace and beyond. Wondering if your facebook friends are real friends? The following are signs that he/she just might be a bonafide friend:

  •  They post the pictures that you took together.
  •  They only tag you in photos that are appropriate for your co-workers and family to view.
  • They "like" your status updates, regularly.
  • They don't hesitate to comment on your updates.
  • They are often one of the first to comment on your posts.
  • They take the time to send you messages, versus only posting to your wall.
  • You don't hear about major events in their life via facebook first; They tell you directly.
  • When you're out with them, they don't disclose your location via Foursquare because they value your privacy. 
  • They don't need facebook to remind them that's it your birthday. They already know it.

Post this link on the pages of everyone you consider to be your true facebook friends...

No, not really. True facebook friends don't pass on cheesy messages and ask you to repost to prove your friendship fidelity.


in Love. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.  What does it mean when someone says, "I love you"?

Does it mean that the person is so enamored with their idea of you (either real or perceived) that they overlook the faults that others can't?  Does it mean that you have a significatnt place in their heart that makes them willing to do near anything for you? (legal or otherwise?)  Or does it mean that they like you, or perhaps lust after you, a whole, whole lot?  Maybe it means that he's just-that-into-you--enough to pursue you like a drug addict chases his next fix, and actually put a ring on it.

I don't know that there is one common definition or description of what it's like to fall in love.  Could the most universal experience be revealed in the phrase? 

Here's a definition to try on for fit: Falling in love is when you feel like you're falling--quickly or slowly, but inevitably. Your destination is uncertain, and you're not sure if you'll land in one piece, but it's okay because you're not alone.  Someone is holding your hand.